Grief and Love

Grief sneaks up on us and coats us with sadness, it numbs our mind, makes us feel like we are in shock and brings us to our knees as we watch the world go on as if nothing happen. It feels like death has been unknown to me for thirty three years and all of a sudden it is touching some very special people in my life. In the last year I have watched an aunt die, watched a friend give birth to a still born and then recently watched a treasured friend bury her best friend. 

I was privileged to be one of the relatives to sit at a bedside of an aunt in a coma and stared death right in it's face. It shook me and it hurt and terrified me. It took a full fifteen minutes to even say a word. As I walked out of the hospital I did not know what to do as things raced through my mind. Where are my priorities? Did I tell her I loved her enough? Did she remember all of the moments we shared and treasured them like I did? The Super Big Gulps, the State Park beach and always pulling at my ear. But worse of all did I show her God's love like he asked me to? Does her family know I love them and want so badly to be there for them? How do I show them I care? How does four children lose their mom? Where do they start when everyday is just a blur and everyone celebrating around you makes you angry. 

Then one of my closest friends lost her baby and I was terrified..I didn't know what to do or say. It is a mother's worse nightmare and it was right in front of my face. I was frozen and did not even know what to do I still do not know what to do. I know the loss has changed her life forever and I want so badly to be the friend to her who is there for her through the ache but simply I do not know what to do. Pray seems to be the only way we can truly help these loved ones.

Then in the past week a friend buried her best friend after she spent months by her bedside watching pain change her friend. A friend she was to grow old with, to shop with and vacation with. How do you begin this process to grieve? Do you cry and pray or do you hide from the memories and store them in a box until you are ready. How do you hold the hand of someone who is hurting in a way they know your heart aches for them and you desire to take it all away from them. Words are never enough and feel empty even coming out of my mouth. 

In light of all of this my heart desires to understand. I grapple with trying to lay it all out and dissect the feelings I have about all of this. Death scares us but it a huge part of our lives. How can we be God' hands and feet to the people who are aching from a loss. As a christian we have to be the LOVE! We have to push away our fears, our feelings, our judgements and just be there. But I also think it is more then that we have to learn from this. There is limited time and our priorities need to be straight. I do not know about all of you readers but I do know that it is hard to keep my priorities straight. I want to teach my children about God but then there are yard sales, TV shows to watch, dishes to do, text messages to return, blog posts to write and at the end of the day as I crawl into bed and talk to God I know I failed. But when you sit next to your dying aunt you know what is important. You walk away from the hospital convicted. I must show God's love, I need to live my life thankfully for all that I have and i need to make sure each and everyday my priorities are straight.

The Bible show us many examples of how important it is to grieve for our loved ones. Jesus ached when John was killed, Jacob mourned when he thought his son was dead and Abraham grieved for Sara. The Bible also talks about seasons for mourning and that Jesus collects your tears and knows your heart. The Bible even produces some great scripture for comfort in sad times. So we can rest in the fact that Jesus cares and aches beside us during all of this. I always believe that we are given these examples so that we understand how imperative it is to take the time to be sad, to remember and treasure the time we had.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: ² a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; ³ a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; ⁴ a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.

Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Butterflies Take II

My sweet babies loving even the smallest of God's creation. 

Butterflies Part I

As part of our learning this year we purchased a butterfly garden kit. We sent away for catepillars and watched them turn into butterflies as a family. I must say that all of us were very excited to watch the transformation of the painted lady butterflies. It was such an incredible learning experience as Cahill wanted to learn so much about butterflies and catepillars. I could barely quench her desire to learn and that made me excited. We were even able to feed them oranges and watch them drink. But no one was as excited as Ashlynn, she would just sit in front of their little home and watch them. But today came the day to set them free. We had so much fun watching them fly around and chase them, but in the end poor Cahill's heart was broken. Her babies flew away and did not return to her.

Nathan's Ninth Birthday

Happy Birthday to the sweetest boy I know. Nathan has the most tender heart and loving demeanor. My girls absolutely love him as he makes them both feel special. He is smart, witty and oh did i mention the cutest thing ever! We had so much fun celebrating his Birthday with the rest of the Cassell's. We had a huge bar-b-que followed by a cake that Hayley decorated herself. My girls loved Hayley driving them around in the go-cart and I loved it also. We had playing with dirt bikes and quads and just being with family. 

Bath Time Fun

Clearly we have way too much fun at bath time..

a hunting we will go a hunting we will go

 So for Turkey hunting season this year we all packed up and headed to Saginaw together for a full week. The weather was incredible with some days in the 90's. We played outside for most of the time but also went inside to do some crafts and snuggle watching movies. Kurt and I were gifted with a full day to ourself and we spent a fun day shopping and even watched a movie together at a theatre (i know wow at a theatre!).
Mema treated is all to a day at the zoo where we had train rides and carousel rides to our hearts content. As you can see in the pictures the best part for Cahill were her cousins especially Brooklyn.

We are ready for Summertime!

Icky, Ewwy, Gremy, Grimy Gopher guts..

This spring I decided to attempt putting in a lasagna garden with compost, peat moss and other different layers. But the part I did not anticipate was how to dig up some serious sod. Anyway so i spent a lot of time digging up my precious garden. The girls had a blast trying to help and running through the dirt pretending like it was a ship and a river. But the highlight of the entire event was the worms. Once I started really getting down into the soil I began to find oohey gooey worms. So i decided to hand them off to my girls to play with as I continued to garden. They went nuts playing with these friends. Ashy literally played with one worm for 40 minutes. Cahill cried when I told her she could not sleep with hers. We had to go out and feed them after dinner and say good night.

Crafts and Experiments

One of the things that Cahill and I have really enjoyed this year are crafts and experiments. Some we have done for our schooling and some for just fun and to celebrate a season or holiday. For our rock unit we picked rocks out and painted and then we made a volcano. I wish I had recorded their reactions as it was priceless as the lava came out of the rock. super cool! I love learning this way oh wait I mean teaching this way!!