Grief and Love

Grief sneaks up on us and coats us with sadness, it numbs our mind, makes us feel like we are in shock and brings us to our knees as we watch the world go on as if nothing happen. It feels like death has been unknown to me for thirty three years and all of a sudden it is touching some very special people in my life. In the last year I have watched an aunt die, watched a friend give birth to a still born and then recently watched a treasured friend bury her best friend. 

I was privileged to be one of the relatives to sit at a bedside of an aunt in a coma and stared death right in it's face. It shook me and it hurt and terrified me. It took a full fifteen minutes to even say a word. As I walked out of the hospital I did not know what to do as things raced through my mind. Where are my priorities? Did I tell her I loved her enough? Did she remember all of the moments we shared and treasured them like I did? The Super Big Gulps, the State Park beach and always pulling at my ear. But worse of all did I show her God's love like he asked me to? Does her family know I love them and want so badly to be there for them? How do I show them I care? How does four children lose their mom? Where do they start when everyday is just a blur and everyone celebrating around you makes you angry. 

Then one of my closest friends lost her baby and I was terrified..I didn't know what to do or say. It is a mother's worse nightmare and it was right in front of my face. I was frozen and did not even know what to do I still do not know what to do. I know the loss has changed her life forever and I want so badly to be the friend to her who is there for her through the ache but simply I do not know what to do. Pray seems to be the only way we can truly help these loved ones.

Then in the past week a friend buried her best friend after she spent months by her bedside watching pain change her friend. A friend she was to grow old with, to shop with and vacation with. How do you begin this process to grieve? Do you cry and pray or do you hide from the memories and store them in a box until you are ready. How do you hold the hand of someone who is hurting in a way they know your heart aches for them and you desire to take it all away from them. Words are never enough and feel empty even coming out of my mouth. 

In light of all of this my heart desires to understand. I grapple with trying to lay it all out and dissect the feelings I have about all of this. Death scares us but it a huge part of our lives. How can we be God' hands and feet to the people who are aching from a loss. As a christian we have to be the LOVE! We have to push away our fears, our feelings, our judgements and just be there. But I also think it is more then that we have to learn from this. There is limited time and our priorities need to be straight. I do not know about all of you readers but I do know that it is hard to keep my priorities straight. I want to teach my children about God but then there are yard sales, TV shows to watch, dishes to do, text messages to return, blog posts to write and at the end of the day as I crawl into bed and talk to God I know I failed. But when you sit next to your dying aunt you know what is important. You walk away from the hospital convicted. I must show God's love, I need to live my life thankfully for all that I have and i need to make sure each and everyday my priorities are straight.

The Bible show us many examples of how important it is to grieve for our loved ones. Jesus ached when John was killed, Jacob mourned when he thought his son was dead and Abraham grieved for Sara. The Bible also talks about seasons for mourning and that Jesus collects your tears and knows your heart. The Bible even produces some great scripture for comfort in sad times. So we can rest in the fact that Jesus cares and aches beside us during all of this. I always believe that we are given these examples so that we understand how imperative it is to take the time to be sad, to remember and treasure the time we had.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: ² a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; ³ a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; ⁴ a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.

Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.